Mother Knows best 6

 

I have just given my mum a call to see how she is faring today and she sounded quite down in the dumps. Our conversation went like this:

Me: Hello, did you sleep well

Mum: Not so bad

Me: You sound fed up are you alright, how is your mate doing. (meaning the fly)

Mum:  I saw a little black speck on my kitchen floor and on closer inspection it was the fly, it’s dead.

 

Me: Well you did not want it flying round did you?

Mum: I did not mind it as long as it did not settle on my head when I was trying to have my afternoon nap

Me: Trying not to laugh, but failing, Well you had sprayed it a lot

Mum: I know

Me: So you did want it gone

Mum: It was not doing any harm really

Me: Well its gone to the great fly gravesite in the sky

Mum: I don’t suppose it had anything to eat

Me: What do flies actually eat

Mum: I don’t know.

Me: Are you going to draw the curtains as a sign of respect

Mum: Dont be so cheeky, have some respect.

Me: Why don’t you get a budgie again

Mum: I don’t want a budgie, the seed gets all over, they make such a mess

Me: Well you liked Joey (previous  budgie) when we had him

Mum: Yes until he laid an egg and we had to rename him Josephine

Me: Oh yes and we put the egg in the airing cupboard to see if it would hatch out (why did we do that ??? )

Mum: Yes we did, but nothing happened !

Me: Happy memories eh!

Mum: Hmmm

 

 Copyright©2016 Elaine’s Bloggers Paradise. All rights reserved

Mother knows best 5

Mum was a little bit subdued this morning when I spoke to her on the phone.

“Are you okay” I asked. “NO I am fed up she said”

Whats wrong I asked her, it is unlike Mum to get fed up, she is one of the most positive people I know. This is how our conversation went:

Mum:    I’ve got a fly in the house that I can’t get rid of, I’ve had it for two weeks now and I’ve trietd everything but the thing won’t go.

Me:  Have you tried fly spray?

Mum:  Yes of course I have and I think it harmed me more than it did the fly, I was coughing for ages

Me:   Was the can facing you when you sprayed the fly (I was brave there, I would not have said that in person 😉

Mum: Do you think I am stupid or something. Of course the can was the right way round.

I thought then about reminding her that sometimes she answers the phone and it sounds like she is a long way away because she is holding it upside down, but thought better of it!

Me: Have you tried opening a window?

Mum:   YES, but every time it hears me opening the catch it goes to the other side of the room, it doesn’t want to leave me. God knows why!

Me: What about opening the back door?

Mum: Sighing, I have done that, I opened the door wide and what happened! another one flew in, a big buzzing fly this time.

Me: laughing, what! now you have two?

Mum:  Oh no, I got rid of the buzzing one, but the other one is still here. I’ve tried flicking it with a cloth but it’s too fast and it knows when I am coming for it.

Me: Are you sure your using fly spray?

Mum,  Do you think I am going senile or what, OF COURSE  I am using fly spray, I sprayed lots in the kitchen last night and shut the door. This morning I could still smell it, BUT, the fly is still alive flying round, the spray did nothing.

Me: It is fly spray, not hairspray?

Mum: Of course it is, if you have nothing else to say,  BUT IS IT FLY SPRAY,  get off the phone and leave me alone, the fly is better company than you.

Copyright©2016 Elaine’s Bloggers Paradise. All rights reserved.

Promises, Promises

 

download-4

Promises made, Promises broken

Promises made just as a token

Promises given, just to save face

Promise broken, such a disgrace

Promises giving pleasure, such a delight

Promises made, hoping to make everything right

Promises whispered, to you and to me

Promises honoured, is what we want to see.

*

Copyright©2016 Elaine’s Bloggers Paradise all rights reserved

I am not predictable am I ?

 

O…… is for the, Oddity, that one finds on this site!

R…… is for the, Range, of topics covered, which are such a delight

I.….. is for the,  Ingeniuity, shown in the posts

G….. is for the, Genuine, feelings expressed by the hosts

I..… is for the,Inspiration, I find from reading other blogs

N….. is for.the,  Novels exerts, that keep turning the cogs

A.…. is for the, Authenticity, shown on the site

L.… is for the, Love of writing in which I try with all my might

To eventually come up with something ORIGINAL 

Copyright©2016 Elaine’s Bloggers Paradise all rights reserved

Flatter me not!

Flattery

6255773-woman-holding-hands-over-her-ears-girl-covering-her-ears-with-her-hands-female-closes-her-ears

Your fawning around me, how can that be

Whats with the sweet talk, why aimed at me

I don’t need admiration to make me feel good

Stop all this flanneling, I think you should

Do you think I can’t see through all your lies

It’s easy to see insincerity, it shows in your eyes

It’s all blarney, soft soaping too  

I don’t need false flattery coming from you!

 *

Copyright ©2016 Elaine’s Bloggers Paradise all rights reserved.

Mother knows best 4

 

Now before I write this latest post can I say that my mum has given me permission to write this, I have told her that people will think she is a raving lunatic but, obviously she does not agree………………….

My mother does not like unknown phone calls, indeed she refuses to answer the phone if she does not know who it is (i.e. logged in her handset) Its bad enough when I ring her on my mobile wondering if she is going to pick up.

The other day after receiving four and I mean FOUR phone calls from the same number she had finally enough, she snapped. She rang back the number to which a lady answered and the following conversation began.

Mum….. “Will you stop ringing my number

Lady  … “Who are you?”

Mum…. “You know who I am, you have rung me four times today and I’ve had enough of it, stop ringing me.

Lady… ” I have not rung you, I don’t even know who you are, who are you?”

Mum….” You know who I am”

Lady…..” I can assure you, I have not called you, whoever you are”

Mum….” I can assure you that you have, how would I have your number otherwise”

Lady…. I don’t know who you ARE:

Mum…. “You’re a LIAR, now stop ringing me”

Lady… “I’ve had enough of this, I am going to block you”

Mum…. “I am going to block you first”……. not knowing what blocking meant, she told me later she thought it meant punching someone!

The Lady then hung up and mum relayed this to my sister , my daughter and me!  She wont ring me again she said, she would not dare.

The day after Mum’s phone rang again, a different unknown number which my mum honestly believes was a friend of the lady! Callers be careful.

*

Copyright©2016 Elaine’s Bloggers Paradise all rights reserved

I know it all!

Argument

cartoon-fat-girl

I’m big,  I’m tough

That’s cos I know my stuff

I’m right, never wrong

That’s because I’m strong

You need to know, I’m always right

Take me on, you’ll have a fight

Rest assured, I get my  way

Start an argument, with me and you’ll pay.

*

Copyright©2016 all rights reserved.

Mother knows best 3

 

During my search on the online dating site for the perfect man, Mum would want a report on what was happening, she liked to look at their photos (to see if they looked clean) and I would read their profiles to her whilst she sat knitting in her chair.

She would look over her glasses at me and tut, tut, at some of the things that I was reading. So many men did not write particually good profiles, some did not do themselves any favours at all describing themselves. 🙂

I helped lots of men on the site, rewriting their profiles lol, in fact I even thought about doing it professionally!

Anyway, back to Mum, after being out on several dates and reporting back to mum, she was getting frustrated that I had not found what she called a keeper!

I was not desperate to find a man, and not just any man would do, no way, I was looking for the right man, and I was prepared to wait.

After approx my 12th date I was getting a little bit disillusioned, don’t get me wrong they were not all one-off dates, some were two or even three dates. I remember going to the cinema with one man to watch 12 years a slave. I had met him for coffee a few days previously and he seemed ok.

Now I have to admit to having a low attention span, films either draw me in and I enjoy them or they bore me. This to me was a long drawn out film.At the interval I asked him if he was enjoying the film.

“Not really” he said, “but If I start something I finish it”

He then went on to say he had lots of books and even if he did not enjoy them he read them all the way through.

“Yawn”   Life is too short in my opinion to do some things for the sake of it, life is for living not enduring. Anyway at the end of the film after he woke me up and escorted  me back to my car I thanked him, said goodnight and we never met again!

After relating this story to my mum who was sat knitting and looking at me over her glasses she said. “I tell you what, I am going to knit you a man” I fell about laughing.

“No, she said, you’re so damn fussy that I will have to knit you the perfect man”.

I was well into the idea of a knitted man!.

“Can he be tall” I said

“Dark hair too”

“Yes, she said” and “he will be the silent type so he should suit you”

Hmm, I thought this sounds like a good idea.

“I wont give him ears” she said

“Why” I replied

“So he wont have to listen to you prattling on”

“Charming” I replied

I love my mum so much, she has such a great sense of humour, she might be cutting at times but she always makes me smile.

 

Copyright©2016 Elaine’s Bloggers Paradise..all rights reserved

Thank you.

 

I have to say that since I joined WordPress a few months ago I have connected with so many people from all over the world. I have enjoyed learning about their different cultures and lifestyles. I feel that I have connected both spiritually and mentally with people and it has enriched my life no end.

I have read great stories, poetry, seen fantastic photographs. Been touched by real life stories, felt the pain and rejoiced in the determination of some to heal themselves both psychically and mentally.

The positive attitude of many writers who are living with disabilities, illness and hardships inspire me and I am in awe.

I have bordered on hysteria reading some humorous posts, giggled for hours after, remembering some of the posts and comments.

Wept whilst reading and writing some of the poetry and posts, wept writing and remembering some of my own posts, which I had thought were long gone and buried. I have learnt so much from a lot from other writers, for which I am very grateful.

After connecting and extended the hand of friendship to many, I’ve tried to motivate, encourage others and commiserated with people going through hardships.  Because when you have had hardships of your own, you can understand what others are going through and feel their pain, hopefully then I  can reassure them that things do get better.

I have extended the hand of friendship to anyone who wanted to connect with me. But mindful not to cross over into a border that I have not been invited to cross. So this is my thank you to everyone who I have connected with on here, thus far and I am looking forward to getting to know many others in time to come.

 

Copyright ©Elaine’s Bloggers Paradise all rights reserved

I value

 

*

I value family, I value friends

Especially the ones who I can depend

I value honesty, I value moral codes

I admire people who carry heavy loads

I value standards, I value the truth

It’s not what you earn or the size of your roof

I value goodness, I value spirituality

I value those who struggle with disability

Because without values

We have nothing.

*

Copyright © 2016 Elaine’s Bloggers Paradise all rights reserved

Mother knows best 2

 

It was actually my mother who encouraged me to join an online dating site. I had been let go from my work and as such I was at home 24/7. I used to go to her house if ever I felt a bit sorry for myself, because believe me she would set me straight!

One day I went to see her and she said “Now I have been watching a program on TV where this man and woman met online and I think it would be good for you”

“Mother I can’t afford that” I said,” I am unemployed, remember”!  She waved her hand at me and said “Oh don’t worry over that, I will pay” , “It will give you something to do and you may find someone who wants to take you out”.!!

That is how my online dating adventures began, I joined a dating site and started filling in a profile. My mother was telling me what to say (which I was ignoring) I said to her, “well you always say that I am unique, Hmm she said, but not in a good way”

Talk about kick a woman when she is down!  anyway I put my profile on the site,  I had her take a few photos of me, not the best choice to make, so my best friend took some good ones…..

Mum said ” Lets have a look  at the photo’s then”  She went through the photo’s saying, NO, “NO, NO,  your mouth looks funny on that and then your face looks too fat on that one”

God give me strength I thought, the one thing my mother has never given me is confidence, she does not believe in giving compliments.

After my profile and page was fully up and running I began getting some emails, one of which was from a lovely little old man of 85 who collected teapots, indeed his profile photo showed him sat at a table with all his teapot collection in front of him. That man wanted to take me out for a bit of dinner because basically I looked like the sort of woman he would like.

Oh I could not wait to show my mum his photo and profile, ha,ha, I knew just what her response would be. I went up to her house and opened my laptop to show her who wanted me to meet up with them. It was the first time I have seen my mum speechless (which is a rarity) when I showed her the 85-year-old teapot man.

 

It gave me so much pleasure I was rolling about laughing, I thought I was going to wet myself  (maybe too much information there)  . She eventually found her voice and she said ” What the ****** hell is an old man who collects teapots asking you to go out with him for” “he is my age”, she said.

“Quick as a flash (I am my mothers daughter) I said,” Do YOU want to meet him mum”, I thought she was going to choke then, she went bright red and said, “I do not, he should be ashamed of himself asking someone out who is 30 years younger than himself.”

Another time I was at her house one evening and I told her that someone was going to give me a ring from the dating site, “He’s not ringing when my programs are on, is he she said” “No mother I replied” She then wanted to see his profile and photo,  “Hmm she straightened her mouth and said, “Oh well he looks clean anyway”  That was to become her main comment “They were okay to meet if they looked clean that was the test.

At the allotted time my mobile rang and I said its him mother, don’t say anything, I don’t want him to think I am not on my own. She nodded, I answered the call and said “Hello”

“Is that Elaine a voice said”    My mum has hearing like a bat, she raised her eyebrows as if to say who does he think you are.  Well this man talked loud and she could hear every word, every time I tried to get a word in he kept on talking.

 

She made a slit throat movement and mimed, He can talk. Well this went on for about 10 ten minutes and she could not stay silent anymore.  “I’ve had enough she shouted, he’s no good you can’t get a word in edgeways”. I very quickly ended that phone call, I was scared my mum was going to take my phone off me and tell him where to go.! Obviously I never met up with him.

I used to write bit about my mum in my diary entries on the dating site and she got quite a following, people used to say that she reminded them of their mother, when I eventually left the site I could not believe how many people emailed me to say that they would miss the stories about my mum and that for some it had been the highlight of their day.

My husband John loves my mum and surprisingly she likes him! even though she thought he looked a bit posh in his photo, but at least he looked clean and I had finally got something right.

*

Copyright©2016 Elaine’s Bloggers Paradise..all rights reserved.

Who are you?

 

flower lady-1

She was so beautiful, possessing so much pose 

Giving off the illusion, that she was in control

It was all an act, fake, just a masquerade

A guise, a front, that she would display

Whenever the need arose

Yet she was so proficient at playing the game of  pretense

Not wanting to display her real front

Because it was all simply a facade

Copyright©2016 all rights reserved.

Fight, Fight, Fight

cartoon-fat-girl

 

I am loud

I am proud

So lets unite

Start the fight

Against the greed

That some people feed

The false compassion to  other souls

Who need our care to make them whole

For some it seems to be just a numbers game on this site

To show their the winner and always right

Stop trying to show that you’re the best

Thinking you’re above the rest

This is not just a numbers game

Or just a platform for YOUR fame

This site is for true talent to shine through

Don’t flatter falsely, saying what you can do

To raise your following, to  make yourself feel tall

Because trust me, you are heading for a fall

Karma is a wonderful thing

For understanding and humility it will bring.

image

Copyright ©2016 all rights reserved.

Mother knows best 1

 

 

My mum who is 85 is a law unto herself, she believes it is her right to say just what she thinks, she does not have a think before you speak button, which can be amusing if it not directed at you.

The other weekend I went to her house and it was a nice sunny morning, I was wearing a dress that I had not worn for quite a while, but due to losing so much weight I put it on and thought it looked nice.

When I got to her house, she looked me up and down and I said “Yes I have not worn this dress for ages do you like it”  (wrong thing to say )  she immediately said.

“No it looks tatty and looks only fit for the rag-bag”, basically the dustbin, I had to laugh because that’s my mother. When I left her house, I went home and took off the dress and put it in the bin!  Mother knows best.

Yesterday my sister took my mum for her weekly shop and as usual mum was on top form. When my sister parked the car, mum said I thought I was going to go through the windscreen!  My sister got out and looked but it was the edging of the parking bay that she had knocked.

Now my mum is very observant, much more than I am, I never look at anyone really when I go out!  But Mum noticed that a man was looking at my sister and my her and proceeded to do so as he got in his car.

So what did my mum do, she waved at him which made him smile and wave back. Mum said to my sister, “He thinks he has pulled” my sister just said, “oh mother”

” I think he fancies me” said mum to my sister.” Its more likely he thinks you have dementia”. my sister replied…. Which trust me did not go down well.

When in the supermarket Mum said she wanted some bananas and when she got to the counter a lady was stood in front looking at them and blocking my mum from chosing any. Now instead of saying excuse me, mum said I stood and looked at her. (I can imagine the look) and she said the lady looked back at her and said “I am counting the bananas, I want one for everyday and then proceeded to mention everyone in the family.

My mum doesnt realise how what she is thinking shows on her face. The lady said “right” and moved away, meanwhile my sister came behind my mother and of course my mum was telling her she had to wait until that woman chose enough bananas for herself and her family.

Shhhh Mother, my sister said. “Do you think I talk loud or something, my mum bellowed ”

I said thank goodness I was not with you, “Oooh don’t you worry she said, if I don’t go with your sister I will have a man with a van come.  She is 85 but can still use the computer for online shopping.

 

I love my mum, she is full of fun and has a young outlook, I just wish she had a stop valve sometimes.. !!!

 

Copyright ©2016 all rights reserved

 

 

Age realisation

 

It has suddenly struck me that I am getting older! maybe it is because my health has not been the greatest this year or maybe it is because in the last couple of years I have stepped off the treadmill and given up work.

I feel so different now, much more at peace, enjoying my days doing just what I want to do. I don’t feel the need to rush out anymore. Been there done that with my previous husband, travelled, meals out and weekends away and it certainly did not bring me happiness.

Finally I have stopped running and it feels so refreshing. I know some people find this strange and they perhaps think that I have stopped living in the real world, but that is not the case. I feel like I am now living as I was intended to live.

Meeting John filled a huge gap in my life, finally finding someone who is happy to chat about anything and everything. We can sometimes chat for hours in the night, he has never said “you talk such rubbish” and tried to shut me down. He is so knowledgeable too which is so refreshing. He tends to do his own thing during the day, he is always doing!. Even when he sits down he will pick up his cross word book or he will read something whilst having his lunch.

Writing on here has also been fantastic for me, such a release and pleasure. I love reading others people’s posts and I feel as if I am getting to know people more and more. I have never been a person who has lots of friends. That’s just not me, I am a very private person. I have always got on very well with work colleges but they never really got to know the real me. I am more of a giver, I have always been the one that people come to if they have a problem. This has not bothered me at all, indeed I am happy to help anyone.

So back to the age thing….. I am 60 in January and for some reason this is beginning to worry me, I don’t think it is because I am getting older, or maybe it is. I think it is the fact that I have finally found what I have been looking for in life and I find myself worrying that I wont have it for a long time.

Silly huh, why should I let something worry me that I have no control over. I am the first to preach that we should enjoy and live in the moment. But I guess I am also human and what will be will be.

I could have another 25 years left in me God willing and I know that there are so many people, young people going through terrible illnesses and I am tempted to delete this post now, but I won’t, because I want to be able to look back on this post and say Elaine, you were so silly not to live in that moment, instead you were worrying about what was to come.

Five little angels part 1

 

angel with an orb

Five little angels came to me

Trying to save my soul you see

Four little angels said “Oh No”

What can we do to make her glow

Three little angels shook their wings

Lets see what tomorrow brings

Two little angels would not give in

So they decided they must sing

One little angel said, “We must believe in God forever”

“Its Simple really we must all stick TOGETHER”

Copyright ©2016 Elaine’s Blogger Paradise.. all rights reserved.

 

We made our vow

 

image

I love that twinkle that sits in your eye

The smile on your face as you pass me by

The kindness that’s in your soul

The discussions we have that make me whole 

Always prepared to talk deeply to me

Making me realise what I need to see 

I could not imagine life without you here

With you beside me I’ve lost my fear

When we married we made our vow

To always live in the here and now.

Copyright ©2016 all rights reserved

The Future

angel

When the realization hits you when you have nothing left

It’s a horrible feeling which leaves you bereft

A fear of the future, a desire to hang on to the past

A panic in your heart, you hope wont last

Who knows what the future for me will hold

I have to be strong, I have to be bold

All I can say, without any doubt

I’m going to start living and see what life’s all about.

(2004)

Copyright ©2016 all rights reserved

Seth

Seth my grandson is 6 a whizz on the wii

His goal in life is to always beat me!

We sit and play together and the time flies by

He’s really very good and has a good eye

Mario is his favourite game to play

I spend most of my time in a bubble floating by

He laughs at my attempts to work my way through the maze

Usually it’s because I’m in a bit of a daze

Oh what it is to be young and quick to react

But computer games are not for me and that’s a fact.

Copyright © 2016 all rights reserved.

Human sandwich

 

When I read the daily word, I tend not to look at any of the other entries for fear of it influencing my post, I also try my hardest to think outside the box. I love to write a poem and try to save the key word until the very end and today I almost wrote a poem but then a memory came back to me from almost 30 years ago.

When my two daughters were approx 5 and 7 years old they used to climb into bed with me and we used to play a game, that game was called the sandwich game. Obviously the two on the outside were the bread….. but what sort of bread…. brown, white, crusty, garlic, fruit … etc

Then the special one in the middle had to say what filling they were, we had so much fun and although my daughters are now 35 and 37 they both remember the fun we had playing that game. It made them use their imagination and it made us all laugh.

So many years have now passed and they both have children of their own. Yesterday John and I picked up two of our four grandchildren from school and took them back to their house where my granddaughter Ruby who will be 9 on the 12th of this month was very proud of the fact that she was going to make John a cup of tea and Seth who is 6 was keen for him to try a scone that he had baked all on his own.

I may not have got everything right in my life, but I can say that by allowing my children freedom of speech all the way through their lives and encouraging them to use their imagination has paid off.

My ex-husband and I tried our best to guide them to be loving,  good human beings and I believe we achieved our goal.

The perfect sandwich really 🙂

Copyright©2017 roseelaineblog, all rights reserved

She had it all……………

When she walked in to a room people stopped to stare

They never approached her, they wouldn’t dare

Dressed from head to toe in designer clothes

She was elegant, indeed an epitome, a woman everyone knows

Her perfume bespoke, lingered for hours on end

She had beauty, wealth but she had no friends

How people envied all that she had

They desired what she had ever so bad

Little did they know she would have swapped it in a heartbeat

For her soul mate, she had yet to meet.

Copyright © all rights reserved.

 

You and you and you…….

 

Personally I think all of us possess a Superhero within, let’s be honest here, life is not always easy.  We all experience the ups and downs of living at some time through our lives.

Be it through hardship, lost love, illness, bereavement, divorce, house loss the list goes on and on and I can say I have experienced all the above. Years ago I took to my bed for weeks after splitting up from my husband, I virtually became a recluse. I had to resign from my job, I stopped eating and just wanted to sleep forever.

I described how I felt like being down a well.!  Then slowly I began my ascent, I realised that I was stronger than I thought I was, I was still breathing, I had a loving family and I began to realise that life would get better, but I had to make the effort.

The ability that we humans have to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves down is amazing. Granted some superheros are stronger than others, they don’t bemoan their fate, they try to remain positive and do not become bitter or resentful. They just accept that this is life and life is not always easy. Life is a challenge, but I can say that my life experiences have made me a better person, more understanding and tolerant,more spiritual and definitely a stronger person. A Superhero, that’s me and it’s also you too.

 

Ruby’s show

We all went to watch you dance

But sadly did not get the chance

Because you did not want to perform

You just sat and cried all forlorn

Baby ballet was not your thing

Many talents you do bring

But today it was not meant to be

As we all could plainly see

You had practiced for many a week

But the stage and stardom you did not seek

Instead you sat and cried all forlorn

Because you did not want to perform

Never mind Ruby to us you’re still a star

To be worshiped just as you are

We will have a private show in your front room

Until your confidence allows you to bloom.

2011

Copyright ©2016 all rights reserved

 

Silver surfer.

 

 

Guess what mums got a laptop and she’s only 77

She’s surfing like a good un and thinks she’s gone to heaven

She has discovered Google  and thinks it’s such a hoot

She’s even online banking to keep an eye on her loot

Emails were causing a problem; she has trouble sending a reply

But my old mums a good un and she’s really on a high

She doesn’t give up easily, she will master it in the end

I hope she does it soon though cos its sending me around the bend

All in all, it is a blessing, I really am quite proud

It will save on the phone bills, when emails are allowed

I love my mum so dearly; she really is so bright

To see her master, the World Wide Web is really quite a sight.

This poem was first written in 2009  she is actually 85 now and is a pro online !

Copyright© 2016 All rights reserved.