I have to admit to having a bit of a meltdown this morning, actually not a bit of one, more like a massive one 😔
It was the pain that got to me, I get forgetful about taking pain relief so by the time I take it I’m hurting 🥺 I had a good talk with John and he reminded me that it is only five weeks today since I had my surgery and that I’m really expecting too much.
After my surgery I was kept in intensive care for 8 days, I remember the nights the most and talking to the nurses who kept putting a machine on my face for oxygen which felt so tight and had Velcro fasteners which tangled in my hair. I hated that mask even though it meant I could breathe easier. I hardly slept and used to watch the clock ⏰ Go round because I knew they would take it off after an hour if I asked.
A nurse would always be near and I would put my hand up and signal to her to take it off lol, she would and then would say, okay I will but it will have to go again soon. 😳
I had such good care and although every nurse and ward sister were great I had my favourites. When I first came around the day after my operation a beautiful little Filipino nurse spoke to me telling me that they were going to take out the tube that had kept me breathing. She gave me my first sip of water and made me what they call a teddy in England which was folded up material to hold against your chest for when you were moved around.
John and my daughters came to see me that day and obviously my voice was squeaky and they were shocked by how I looked even though they knew I wouldn’t look my best 😉
When the physio nurses came the day after to stand me up, I did what I was told I knew to get well I had to! But once stood my legs gave way and I slid to the floor. I remember them getting a hoist to put me back into bed and apologising, I just said it’s okay I’m fine, I didn’t hurt myself. I think I had so much medication going in through the numerous points that went into a tube via my neck that I was not totally with it.
Apparently when they had removed the tumour from my heart and done the repairs it took three attempts to restart my heart because it was going too fast they had to stop it! It’s so bizarre to think that my heart was stopped!
Which brings me round to this mornings meltdown. I think that it’s only just hitting me the seriousness of what I’ve actually had done. I’m so frustrated that I can’t do more and I can’t even climb more than a few stairs.
John and I go out now every morning for a ride in the car and I have a walk, I also walk up and down the corridor in the apartment block and do some climbing up one step and down again building it up every day. I thought yesterday that perhaps I could walk up a flight of stairs then take the lift down but after four stairs I knew I couldn’t do it!
I see the surgeon on the 3 July and I have to have a ECG and chest X-ray just before I see him.I’ve got lots of questions to ask him and although I’m dreading walking around such a big hospital I’ve got another two weeks to go before then So hopefully I will be fitter by then.
I’ve read that people can get ptsd after surgery and feel very up and down emotionally which is how I’ve felt for the last few days. Now I’m taking more pain relief, not running 🏃🏻♀️ before I can walk! I should hopefully settle back down and continue what seems like this never ending journey to being well again.
Just sharing my thoughts and I AM HAPPY TO BE ALIVE ❤️