Want to order a pizza?

CALLER:

Is this Gordon’s Pizza?

GOOGLE:
No sir, it’s Google Pizza.

CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number.  Sorry.

GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.

CALLER:
OK.  I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:
My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER:
OK! That’s what I want …

GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER:
What? I detest vegetable!.

GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER:
How the hell do you know?!

GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records.  We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza!  I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.  According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.

CALLER:
I bought more from another drugstore.

GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER:
I paid in cash.

GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER:
I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL?!!!

GOOGLE:
I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER:
Enough already!  I’m sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others.  I’m going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me

GOOGLE:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first.  It expired 6 weeks ago…

8 comments

  1. I ordered a package from a company – I only gave my email and address. On the same day, the guy called to inform me that he email me with a link to a YouTube explains more of what the company does – I didn’t give them my phone number!!!!! Then another person called tried to track down my ex-sister-in-law. I asked how she got my number and how she knew I was related to my ex SIL. She said she found out I was related to my ex. That was 25 years ago.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. It’s scary of what is included in the huge data bank. Whenever I google certain item, the advertisement came up right away on my FB page and other social media.
        I know how to search for a long lost friend. Data would link you to your friends and family and associates with your friends and family. In fact, our trip to The Huntington reminded me to search for a long lost friend.

        Liked by 1 person

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