OMG I’m turning into my mother

By

Swarm

Elsie had an answer for everything.

It has been a sad couple of weeks on my mum’s cul de sac. One lovely lady, who went into care over Christmas, has decided she would prefer to stay in the home with 24 hour care rather than stay at home alone; which I can understand but to see the house clearance van arriveย to clear her home really upset me.

Then my most favourite lady across from Mum’s house died on Saturday after a short illness. She was such a lovely lady who refused to gossip and always had a smile for me. She had been a widow for years and was 89. Her 90th birthday party had been arranged but obviously when she becameย ill it was cancelled.

My mum of course has been giving me a running commentary with the ladies daughter and their family in the process of emptying the house. This made me realise that my mum would not last for ever. Me, being me as a way of coping with that sad fact, ย have to joke about it. This was my telephone conversation with my mum this morning:

Mum: “Hello”

Me: “Hello, it’s only me are you alright?”

Mum: “Not bad”

Me: “What does not bad mean, do you feel poorly?”

Mum: “No, I am just tidying my kitchen drawers out, they’re in a right mess.”

Me: “That’s a good idea, you’re not getting any younger and we don’t want a lot to do when you go to join my dad.”

Mum: “Oh, you think I am going then?”

Me: “I was thinking, surely when you get to your age you must wonder each day if it is going to be your last.”

Mum: Laughing, she has a good sense of humour, “Oh yes all the time” (being sarcastic).

Me: “I am coming tomorrow to put those new curtains you bought, I hope you’re still with us.”

Mum: “Well if I’m not you can have them.”

Me: “They would not fit my windows.”

Mum: ย “Well you could cut them down to fit”.

She then went on to tell me that her next door neighbour, who she dislikes with a passion, had gone across road to see the ladies family who were clearing the house and he had come back with a bag full of stuff.

Mum: “I am telling you now I will turn in my grave if you let him have anything of mine.”

Me: “You would have a job, you are going to be cremated”.

Mum laughed at that comment. ย “No I do not want him anywhere near, if he asks where I am tell him to mind his own business. He will be round like a swarm of locust taking plants out of my garden. Promise me you won’t let tell him anything”.

Me: “I would probably turn into you and fly at him telling him to bugger off and mind his own business”.

Mum: “Good”.

Me: “Okay then I will see you tomorrow”

Mum: “Okay”.

Me: “God willing”

Mum: “Will you shut up and beggar off”.

Me: Laughing , “Bye Mum”.

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