It is no secret that I have a major fear of spiders when I lived in my flat with a view I had a really bad experience. I was in my bedroom getting ready to go out when as I walked towards the bedroom door I saw the biggest spider I had ever seen in my life, we are talking tarantula sized. I jumped back liked I had been electrocuted and started shaking.
This was not a normal house spider this one had obviously traveled over on a banana boat and landed in the big supermarket I visited weekly. I was in a state, I had to go past it to get out it was still but what if it jumped on me as I got nearer. I lived on my own what if it wrapped me in its web and ate a bit of me everyday, it would take him years and it would be a slow painful death for me. I considered ringing the fire brigade and saying it was a cat, then denying all knowledge of saying a cat when they arrived, but I remembered reading somewhere that if it was not a fire you could be charged a call out fee and I was not in a position to be able to pay.
I contemplated ringing my mother, but at that time she lived ten miles away and she does not drive and I know what she would have said!
My next thought was maybe climbing out of the window but because I was in a first floor flat and I had Mr Grumpy living below me I don’t think he would have appreciated seeing me assailing past his window tied to a bed sheet, knowing my luck he would have had a heart attack and I would be then up for manslaughter!
No the only thing I could do was risk getting past it and running out of my front door and asking the old lady who lived next door if she would get rid of it for me. I was breathing that heavily I am amazed I did not blow it off the wall as I walked slowly towards the door trying not to make any sudden movements that would maybe wake it up if it was asleep.
Looking up at the spider all the time I held the door handle and slowly turned it to open the door, it made a little squeak the spider moved a leg, I screamed like a banshee and legged it up my hallway. Nearly pulling the door off its hinges in my rush to get outside.
I rushed up to my neighbor’s door and rang her door bell leaning against the wall I waited and waited and waited. Good grief did she need to go shopping every Saturday for food! how inconsiderate can a woman be.
I knew it was pointless asking Mr Grumpy, he would probably tie me to the door so the spider could eat me. No I had to face my fear and the tarantula. I picked up the sweeping brush which I kept outside by the door and walked back in like a member of the SAS I had my back to the wall looking up down all around in case it had left the bedroom. I could not see anything so I burst through the bedroom and almost fell flat on my face over a slipper on the floor.
I did a spin that a ballet dancer would have been proud of and yes the spider was still in the same position. I sat on my bed with the sweeping brush held high in case he decided to jump towards me, he didn’t he just stayed there, as did I, trying to work out my next move.
Now although I don’t like spiders I find it difficult to kill one, so I came up with the idea that I would brush him off the wall and then gently sweep him along the carpet and out of the front door. (stupid thought I know, they were thick carpets, he liked living in my flat) I slowly raised the brush and very slowly pulled it down near him to coax him to the ground.
Did that happen, did it hell as like, he launched off the wall, I hit the wall with the brush which was filthy after being outside, he started running like a lunatic, I started screaming like a banshee, Mr Grumpy downstairs put his classical music on full volume (his code to tell me he was not happy with the noise I was making) Never mind that I might have been in danger!
I banged the brush on the floor a dozen times trying to hit the spider and it still kept running, I started crying NO, NO, NO and finally managed to hit it and it stayed still. I stood watching to see if there was any heartbeat! no I had killed the spider, my wall was filthy and the spider was still laid there and then I heard a knock on the door and the little old lady from next door popped her head round the door and said is everything alright.
I pointed to the floor at the spider, she shook her head and laughed then bent down and picked it up and threw it outside. I thanked her and saw her out, then went and laid on the settee in the lounge until I recovered enough to try to wipe the marks of the wall from the filthy brush.
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