Mother knows all


Obviously a lot of people who live on my mum’s cul-de-sac are shall we say of a certain age! My mum might be 85 and older than quite a few of them but she does not see herself as being an old lady.

Mum noticed that the old lady across road was beginning to lose it a bit (mum’s words) apparently she was wandering around outside without a coat and walking to the local shop in her slippers. One day mum saw her going down the road to the bus stop so she rang her other next door neighbour, to tell him and he went down to the bus stop to talk her into going back home.

He came to see mum with another lady who lives in the cul-de-sac who is actually 95, Mum is not over keen on this lady and had previously told her to mind her own business when she felt she was butting in!

Now apparently the lady who had gone to the bus stop said that her grandson was in the hospital and he had been in intensive care but was now on a ward and she wanted to go and see him.

Mum took control and said, look I will ring the hospital to see if he is in hospital first and she rang the local hospital with two of her neighbours listening.This was the call:

Mum: Hello, is that the hospital

Call handler:  Yes it is, how can I help you

Mum: Well the thing is my neighbour who is losing it a bit, you know what I mean, she goes out without coat and in her slippers, well she said her grandson is in hospital can you tell me if he is.

Call handler: I will do my best what is his name?

Mum: Simon his name is Simon

Call handler:  Do we have a last name?

Mum: turning to her two neighbours, what is his last name

Neighbours: shaking their head, said we don’t know

Mum: Sorry (to call handler), we don’t know his last name

Call handler: Not to worry, what is his address

Mum turning to two neighbours, Whats his address?

Neighbours, shaking their heads, we don’t know

Mum to call handler: You must think we are a bit dim, we don’t know his address

Call handler: laughing said, no not at all I like a challenge, let me see what I can find out, do you mind holding

Mum: No we can wait. Turning to her neighbours she hissed, well you are making me look a right fool here, we don’t even know his last name or where he lives. We can’t ask his grandmother because she is away with the fairies and this call is costing me!

The older lady was cowering by now (she is scared of my mum since mum told her to mind her own business).

Mum’s other next door neighbour gets my mum, he knows how to handle her and mum likes the fact she can have a laugh with him, in fact she tells me often that she likes gay men (he is actually gay).

Call handler: Hello, I think I have found the gentleman who you are looking for he is on ward 23 in Mens Medical, would you like me to put you through.

Mum: No that’s alright, it’s not urgent we will give the phone number to his grandma she can pay for the call.

Call handler: Openly laughing now said, well you have made my day, thank you.

Mum: That’s alright, Goodbye, and hung up.


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