Mother knows best 2


It was actually my mother who encouraged me to join an online dating site. I had been let go from my work and as such I was at home 24/7. I used to go to her house if ever I felt a bit sorry for myself, because believe me she would set me straight!

One day I went to see her and she said “Now I have been watching a program on TV where this man and woman met online and I think it would be good for you”

“Mother I can’t afford that” I said,” I am unemployed, remember”!  She waved her hand at me and said “Oh don’t worry over that, I will pay” , “It will give you something to do and you may find someone who wants to take you out”.!!

That is how my online dating adventures began, I joined a dating site and started filling in a profile. My mother was telling me what to say (which I was ignoring) I said to her, “well you always say that I am unique, Hmm she said, but not in a good way”

Talk about kick a woman when she is down!  anyway I put my profile on the site,  I had her take a few photos of me, not the best choice to make, so my best friend took some good ones…..

Mum said ” Lets have a look  at the photo’s then”  She went through the photo’s saying, NO, “NO, NO,  your mouth looks funny on that and then your face looks too fat on that one”

God give me strength I thought, the one thing my mother has never given me is confidence, she does not believe in giving compliments.

After my profile and page was fully up and running I began getting some emails, one of which was from a lovely little old man of 85 who collected teapots, indeed his profile photo showed him sat at a table with all his teapot collection in front of him. That man wanted to take me out for a bit of dinner because basically I looked like the sort of woman he would like.

Oh I could not wait to show my mum his photo and profile, ha,ha, I knew just what her response would be. I went up to her house and opened my laptop to show her who wanted me to meet up with them. It was the first time I have seen my mum speechless (which is a rarity) when I showed her the 85-year-old teapot man.


It gave me so much pleasure I was rolling about laughing, I thought I was going to wet myself  (maybe too much information there)  . She eventually found her voice and she said ” What the ****** hell is an old man who collects teapots asking you to go out with him for” “he is my age”, she said.

“Quick as a flash (I am my mothers daughter) I said,” Do YOU want to meet him mum”, I thought she was going to choke then, she went bright red and said, “I do not, he should be ashamed of himself asking someone out who is 30 years younger than himself.”

Another time I was at her house one evening and I told her that someone was going to give me a ring from the dating site, “He’s not ringing when my programs are on, is he she said” “No mother I replied” She then wanted to see his profile and photo,  “Hmm she straightened her mouth and said, “Oh well he looks clean anyway”  That was to become her main comment “They were okay to meet if they looked clean that was the test.

At the allotted time my mobile rang and I said its him mother, don’t say anything, I don’t want him to think I am not on my own. She nodded, I answered the call and said “Hello”

“Is that Elaine a voice said”    My mum has hearing like a bat, she raised her eyebrows as if to say who does he think you are.  Well this man talked loud and she could hear every word, every time I tried to get a word in he kept on talking.


She made a slit throat movement and mimed, He can talk. Well this went on for about 10 ten minutes and she could not stay silent anymore.  “I’ve had enough she shouted, he’s no good you can’t get a word in edgeways”. I very quickly ended that phone call, I was scared my mum was going to take my phone off me and tell him where to go.! Obviously I never met up with him.

I used to write bit about my mum in my diary entries on the dating site and she got quite a following, people used to say that she reminded them of their mother, when I eventually left the site I could not believe how many people emailed me to say that they would miss the stories about my mum and that for some it had been the highlight of their day.

My husband John loves my mum and surprisingly she likes him! even though she thought he looked a bit posh in his photo, but at least he looked clean and I had finally got something right.


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        1. Nah, I need it with my family, my eldest daughter and her husband came yesterday and gave me a pep talk….. I will get through it! What is it 🙄😉 she is a qualified nurse, midwife blah blah…. sometimes knowledge is not always good.. how old is your son. My girls are 35 and 37


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