It has suddenly struck me that I am getting older! maybe it is because my health has not been the greatest this year or maybe it is because in the last couple of years I have stepped off the treadmill and given up work.
I feel so different now, much more at peace, enjoying my days doing just what I want to do. I don’t feel the need to rush out anymore. Been there done that with my previous husband, travelled, meals out and weekends away and it certainly did not bring me happiness.
Finally I have stopped running and it feels so refreshing. I know some people find this strange and they perhaps think that I have stopped living in the real world, but that is not the case. I feel like I am now living as I was intended to live.
Meeting John filled a huge gap in my life, finally finding someone who is happy to chat about anything and everything. We can sometimes chat for hours in the night, he has never said “you talk such rubbish” and tried to shut me down. He is so knowledgeable too which is so refreshing. He tends to do his own thing during the day, he is always doing!. Even when he sits down he will pick up his cross word book or he will read something whilst having his lunch.
Writing on here has also been fantastic for me, such a release and pleasure. I love reading others people’s posts and I feel as if I am getting to know people more and more. I have never been a person who has lots of friends. That’s just not me, I am a very private person. I have always got on very well with work colleges but they never really got to know the real me. I am more of a giver, I have always been the one that people come to if they have a problem. This has not bothered me at all, indeed I am happy to help anyone.
So back to the age thing….. I am 60 in January and for some reason this is beginning to worry me, I don’t think it is because I am getting older, or maybe it is. I think it is the fact that I have finally found what I have been looking for in life and I find myself worrying that I wont have it for a long time.
Silly huh, why should I let something worry me that I have no control over. I am the first to preach that we should enjoy and live in the moment. But I guess I am also human and what will be will be.
I could have another 25 years left in me God willing and I know that there are so many people, young people going through terrible illnesses and I am tempted to delete this post now, but I won’t, because I want to be able to look back on this post and say Elaine, you were so silly not to live in that moment, instead you were worrying about what was to come.